


Luck (Is Just Another Name for Miracle)

by wintercreek



Category: New Normal
Genre: Families of Choice, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 13:35:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintercreek/pseuds/wintercreek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shania has a question that's not really about what she's asking (okay, it's about that too). Bryan's answers turn out to be helpful to them both.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Luck (Is Just Another Name for Miracle)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lionessvalenti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/gifts).



> Thanks to Rainbowrites for betaing and for pushing me to make this fic richer and deeper.
> 
> Title is from Margaret Atwood's _The Year of the Flood_ : "No luck was dumb, because luck was just another name for miracle."

"Bryan, what are you going to do with the baby?" Shania's sitting on the couch, fidgeting with her hands but not swinging her feet. Bryan approves: fidgeting never scuffed anyone's leather the way carelessly swung heels can.

"I guess we haven't really talked about that yet," Bryan admits. "I don't know what mixed-faith households normally do. Do we have him baptized and have a bris? Just one? Neither? If we do both, do they cancel each other out?" He frowns. "I think both might be worse than neither, but we _are_ intending to try raising him both ways."

Shania shakes her head. "No, not what you're going to do religiously. What are you going to do with him all day? Like, while you're at work."

"A nanny, I suppose." Bryan shrugs. "Isn't that what everyone does?"

"No. Some parents raise their kid themselves, although just because one parent stays home and the other parent works part time waiting tables and you all live with elderly relatives doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean families stay together, or that the parent who stayed at home with the kid was actually a good parent or that he wanted anything other than time to play video games all day." Shania sucks in a breath and keeps speaking, growing more frantic as she continues. "In fact, I guess you could say that it's better to get a nanny so that when you eventually get tired of having to give up fun stuff for your kid it won't matter so much, since they never knew you anyway."

Bryan stares at her.

Shania's face crumples, and she stands up and walks swiftly out of Bryan's office.

"Wait, what?" Bryan jogs after her. "Shania, wait. I missed something. This is like the first time I watched Buffy and I thought it was okay that Netflix sent me the DVDs out of order because really, how much could happen in season five?" She doesn't answer, so Bryan continues, "A lot. A lot could happen in season five."

Shania keeps walking.

"Hey!" Bryan puts a hand on her shoulder. "Hang on, okay? Give me a minute to catch up. Literally and figuratively."

She stops and folds her arms. "It's just the way it is, Bryan."

"It's _not,_ Shania, and I think you're really upset about something and we should talk about it." He kneels down in front of her – these aren't his best slacks, and anyway the floor should be pretty clean with what they pay their cleaning people, and that book David made him read emphasized speaking with children on their level, although that whole phrasing sounds kind of condescending to Bryan – and clears his throat. "Look, if nothing else as my son's godmother you have a duty to help me practice being a parent. So. Please explain to me what's going on."

"Nothing's going on," Shania insists. "It's just that some kids at school today were talking about how involved their parents are in their lives, and then someone said that after her parents got divorced her dad totally disappeared and someone _else_ said her dad got a whole new family after her parents split up. And I thought about how my dad and I used to do things, and how he even moved here to LA because this is where Mom and I are, but they're still divorcing and I don't see him that much, not like I did when we all lived in the same house."

Bryan tilts his head. "Are you worried that David and I will split up after we have our baby?"

"No, you and David seem pretty solid." Shania considers him. "But you don't have to get divorced to stop loving your kid. I guess— I guess it's pretty easy to stop loving your kid, actually." One tear rolls down her cheek, and she sniffles. Bryan's heart aches for her, but if he's being honest there's also a part of him marveling at her mastery of the Single Tear of Pain. Maybe he should write a recurring character for her into the Sing cast. But then, that's what Bryan does with most of the interesting or talented people he meets: he collects them by casting them in his show. Shania's different, though. She doesn't need collecting that way.

"Shania." Bryan pulls her forward into a hug. "Oh sweetheart. I— It _is_ easy to mess up parenting. I know that from the perspective of the kid. My dad hardly said two words to me the whole time he was alive." He leans back so Shania can see his face. "And it _hurt_ that my dad didn't get me. Or want to get me. I even got scared, when I found out we were having a boy, that I wouldn't be able to connect to my own son."

Shania raises an eyebrow. "But you're so good with kids. You put on a whole pretend-wedding for Wilbur and me and all our guests, and I thought you had a pizza party for David's football team, too."

"Yeah, well— How did you hear about that?" Bryan asks.

"David told Mom about it when they were promising each other they wouldn't eat so many Christmas cookies," Shania says, and shrugs. "I think they didn't think I was listening."

"Nothing gets past you." Bryan frowns. "But some things get past me. So you're not worried about my relationship, you're maybe worried about your godson, and you're definitely hurting about your dad. Sound about right?"

Shania looks down again. "Yes," she says in a small voice. "I know I shouldn't be – Mom has it hard enough without me getting upset, especially about something she can't help with. And I _don't_ want her and Dad to get back together, not if it won't make them happy. But _I_ want to be happy, too, and that's supposed to mean parents who love me."

Bryan stands up. "Come with me," he says. He leads Shania over to the bookcase in the corner of his office and pulls a photo album. "I never show these pictures to anyone."

Shania studies the photos. "You look so unhappy, Bryan. And kinda chubby."

Bryan winces. That's part of the reason he never shows these pictures to anyone. "Yes, well, I wasn't kidding about eating my feelings. I learned to do that young. But that's not what I wanted to show you." He flips forward through the album. As he ages in the pictures, different kids show up with him. He's still frowning, or sometimes sullen, in family shots, but when he's with his friends he looks happy. He _was_ happy, with people who got him. "I know what you mean, when you say your parents are supposed to love you. And Shania, I don't know your dad very well, so I can't tell you what's going on with him or how he feels. I know your mom loves you, and I think you know that too."

"Yeah," Shania answers. "I don't have any doubts about Mom."

Bryan nods. "So. Here's what I want to tell you: your happiness is _yours,_ and you can find it in lots of places. Sometimes it'll be hard to find, and sometimes you'll be lonely. That's part of the price of being one of the special ones. But when you find it, or when it finds you, it's worth it. You can make different choices from your family to do what you need to do. And sometimes you can be happy and sad at the same time, maybe about different things, and that's okay. Being sad about something doesn't mean you have to give up being happy. I promise it's not as weird as it sounds."

"Are you happy, Bryan?" Shania's studying his face.

"I am." He pauses to examine this; it's true, and not just a glib answer. Pleased and a little surprised, he continues, "My life's not perfect, and it's not always easy, but it's good." Bryan puts an arm around Shania's shoulders. "And yours is going to be good, too."

Shania leans into his side. "Thanks." She turns a considering look on him. "There's just one thing. What _are_ you going to do with the baby?"

Bryan smiles. "Now I have to thank you, because now that we've talked about it I know something I'm going to do differently from my dad. I'm going to be a hands-on parent for my son, and he is going to _know_ that I love him." Even if all he cares about is something Bryan will never get, like soccer, or NASCAR, or quantum physics, he'll have a dad who will care anyway because his son does, Bryan promises himself.

"Yeah?" Shania smiles back at him. "No nanny?"

"Maybe sometimes," Bryan temporizes. "But mostly I think I'll take him to work with me. The studio is chaotic anyway, and I have a million sycophantic employees who will assure me that he's beautiful."

Shania's giving him a skeptical look.

"You know I just talk like this," Bryan says. "Okay, here's the truth. It seems to me that the best way to make sure I'm emotionally close with my son is to keep him close physically. And then the rest will come later? Like when he has words and things. But babies don't have words. They have cuddles. And really great potential for stylishly coordinated father-son outfits." He grins. Between the fashion and the sage advice, he is definitely going to be both the Cool Dad and the Wise Dad. "Sound all right?"

"Bryan," Shania declares, "you're going to be a good dad. Your son is lucky."

Bryan pulls her into another hug. "Thanks, Shania," he says over her shoulder. Sometimes he can't believe that it's Goldie he and David got as a surrogate, and that she brought Shania and, yes, even her crazy grandmother and deadbeat ex-husband. His family's growing not just by one infant person but by many eccentric and wonderful people, the miracle of life and love twice over.

"I'm lucky too," Shania says quietly, and Bryan squeezes her just a little tighter. He's going to make it one of his missions to see that she never forgets.

"Us special ones have to stick together," he tells her. They're all lucky, and he's glad he knows it.


End file.
